with Space Tomato and Plonker
Plonker’s third eye was buzzing, nearly waking up Space Tomato. It was an urgent message from P-lyze Shroom Teacher. Oh no! What could it be? Plonker had a gungy feeling about it. But before leaving for P-lyze’s academy, they started the day with a bowl of kinkberries evasion flavor!
boffins and the like were getting excited about history. a baby boffin was sharing their own theory of being.
“nyoom in the galactic banana hooked up to the gol dang outernet. they were deep in innerspace and inside the next moment they saw an innocent sphere, unknowable and yet familiar, the first endoplanet.”
Professor P-lyze dismissed the class and turned off his shining eyes. he went right into it, “PLONKER, do you remember last cycle’s tremors? the DePop Bureau is forcing entry into Space Planet. the system is reaching critical masshroom. our spiritual mycelium have grown to much, and the Depop Bureau will be here soon to ‘maintain balance.’ it’s critical that you find T-kinesis Fungal Mentor and seek their counsel. only they have the Dongle of Diminuition that can shrink Space Planet and help us avoid the Depop Cops.”
T-kinesis Mentor had descended to their innermost body in search of divine truths. it was a no-contract retreat with no end date.
“Plonker, you have a journey ahead. please take Frog Guide’s hand and let it guide you to the caves of extrospection.”
a terrorizing descent of slop was ahead of them, but Frog would lead them through.
Space Tomato awoke to a message skunked in the ether, “hey i’m gone to the fungus academy. might be a while. - Plonkz”
Plonker’s earthy tinge was unmistakable. It contained the musk of worry, but Space Tomato waited to cast judgement. underneath the earthy funk, she could smell Spliff, her symbiote companion, burning to awareness.
“marker detected. plonker absent. coffee broiled and ready. wake up time, Ms. Tomato”
“thanks Spliff. good morng. is Hapax on-logged?”
“no friend Tomato, no”
Space Tomato was happy to be alone to do her work. She’d interface with her friend Hapax later.
Frog Guide’s hand was spongy and wet, but it helped Plonker focus on their face. they had come to the end of the medibating cavern, and Plonker could see the remnants of T-kinesis’s form. there were spore prints scattered here and there, many cycles old.
stuck in memory, they were slowing covered in the dreamless slop of recollection. Sploot, Plonker’s scrumptious fluff ball symbiotic partner, fed off their affection. in return, Sploot elevated Plonker’s hieromone levels and kept guard for face invaders. Sploot make their calm system nervous and brought them to attention. to find T-Kinesis, it would require an astral face peel. starting with their nose, Plonker teased the edges of sensation away, creating a seam down their axis of symmetry. the Frog Guide sat down and went to sleep.
the Nega Plane is terrifying clear. the color and attributes are stripped away from everything surrounding Plonker. remember this moment. the stretch of darkness that does have some kind of plane to it but does not end. inescapable clarity, a void that penetrates the senses, a void that expands infinitely. remember this being you are. remember you are alive and may return to this pitch dark feeling. you are writhing. you are ok. this will pass. it may come back, but this is not forever. the forever is this terrible moment and the soothing textures to come. the forever is a sum. you are here to remember.
a form. a face.
the beast started rumbling. the mouth slowly opened to reveal a doom bead cannon. the head started to zero in in Plonker. the emanation herox moved through space, bending, creasing, unfolding, and cutting space. they got space real worked up! and zoosh! the doom bead shot out from the beast’s gullet.
the spatial coordinates were twisted in hundreds of different, subtle ways, giving the bead a trajectory that looped back to where it came from. the doom bead grazed the beast’s shoulder and it fell into a glowing heap. grumbling and exhausted, it said, “SOMETIMES I WANT TO SHOUT AN ASTRAL NO,” and lost awareness
Space Tomato was working on a pile of crystals emanating phase 9 inversion waves. she focused to truncate her sphere of awareness, minimizing the harsh affect of the crystals.
in the background, a rerun of Xeno Xena was blaring on the tele cube.
“this new Sword Of Estrogenicity model is plenty tricksome. Spliff, pull up the schematics again”
welcome to Blar 7 we are the intergalactic Hushroom
The gargo cheese brain and the fluoridating rope named “Eurri-Galzu”
Plonker’s brain only made sounds like anfeddygol zizgag ka-flumpety-flump genzenhausen and vivâgasuyam.
Glaikit Depop Cops detain Plonker.
Space Tomato vibed Hapax, “sip later?”
Space Tomato had never seen this episode of Xeno Xena. it was strange, because she was a fan since the pilot episode. this one was called “welcum to Blar VII” and centered around Xeno Xena dodging the asstral patrol in mushtown.
Hapax vibed back, “sure-oh. Suzygy come with?
“oh-sure. let’s get run-off at Dungtastic”
“Meow Meow Dumb B*tch In The Place”
Go back mushtown to see Professor P-lyze, in the custody of Depop Cops, Plonker sad sad thinking “My eyes like dark urine, skin like clay-colored stool”
Plonker now stuck in the caves beneath mushtown
Meaningwhile Space Tomato continues to watch Television
“oh no Xeno Xena was beset with a roving band of kewpie brain eaters”
“my name is tiny baby sunshine bottom and i live in the apple kingdom out in yonderlands”
“MY NAME IS apple baby culprit. we rove these wilds on our hoverdogs and hovercats!!”
the mushroom started warbling the warning song of Cavegirl
Cavegirl is covered in grime and slime, and underneath that it's nothing but more grime and slime.
She is wild haired, hard, and matted all over.
Teeth filed to points and eyes that see in the dark.
Stubby jagged nails broken on stone.
Soot-covered cheeks and a club of bone.
Free-bleeding, face-eating, Cavegirl.
She has a cat that bites her that is her friend.
Carrying a coal for miles just to burn your crops, Cavegirl seeks vengeance for the death of her ma and pops.
Cavegirl will jump on your back and make you bleed. but she is really nice if you give her raw meat.
Cavegirl lives in substrate caves and wakes up angry late at night.
Her underworld is moon-scorched, but her night eyes are still sun-green.
Cavegirl can’t be outsmarted–don't even try–for her brain is in a jar, far, far away.
Cavegirl seeds a frog ands eats! now plonker's Frog is et
Caaaavegiiiirl said, “Honk Honk Honkadilly is terrifying right. She has a stomach that’s like an ant farm and that’s where your little man lives. Her eyes are like spirals and they’re the only way in.”
“She has a hoard of lurking hushrooms that will sneak up on you in silence and silence you too”
it was she, Honkadilly the ero-sylph cunt!
wielding her cut ray, walking on high eels. she was a small shot, but sure enough her belly was see-thru and full of tunnels like an ant farm. Plonker is freed.
and T-kinesis was trapped inside, as well.
Plonker sees T-kinesis riding on a pudgy pile of pink goo.
“i’m here to save you from this trap”
“save me? trapped? i’m not trapped. i am riding on a brainy yak looking for a brainiac”
“but you are a brainiac”
“i found him!”
kinkberries increase evasion. and foraging turns to scavenging
Prism guards are no match for Honkadilly's carbonic laser.
“Beepow!” Space Tomato was picking up mondo vibes on her widget.
they looked into the growing spore haze and heard “zzzzzzzzzylph”
Spliff reported, “spore storm detect, presence detect,” and then the symbiote shriveled up in anticipation.
“may your void tombstone have the letters R.I.P.E.”
“hello, as may yours”
as Space Tomato phased in, an ero-sylph stepped out of the haze. their skin was a fruity pebble color splash, flecked with soft pinks, greens, and blues. against the haze they were a glowing vision in rainbow breakfast. they held a lunchbox full of fruity mushrooms.
“hello, veggie femme”
Space Tomato scoffed.
Honkadilly that ero-sylph, they were a laughing ghost moon princess. a dream full of kiwi and a land of starberry. ghost moon was a fungal femme from the starberry nebula, a pixie with cereal milk skin and strawberry kiwi flecks
ghost moon opened their lunchbox and pulled out a can of manky soda, offering Tomato a sip.
“you remember Ozymandy? whatever happened to them.”
“you mean after set design for Xeno Xena?”
“they had a passion for the vast”
“neither of us were mighty enough”
depop cops, they were truly in identify Robot Police Chief and Alien's Shadow, just inter-dimensional warlords and getrichquick ruffians.
Jigglybuff pulled out their flute roll-up and started tooting up a magic sleep mist! beep-beep! toot-toot!
next up on Television it’s “batman vs batman vs batman”
Honkadilly, Plonker, T-kinesis, Spliff, Professor, and Space Tomato sit on couch to watch.